Communication Gymnastics
The famous French philosopher, Descartes, believed that mankind could achieve pure logic and, therefore, understand absolute truth. The trick was to think objective thoughts absent of emotion. That's nice work, if you can get it! About two hundred years later a German fellow named Hegel took Descartes to task and shot D's theory full of holes. Hegel said pure logic and absolute truth were impossible to achieve because all logic and philosophy were communicated through the words we speak. Words, after all, were biased and tainted by the opinions of those folks who taught us our language skills.
Descartes' "logic" was flawed because humans cannot think and speak absent of emotion. If one does so, we declare that person mentally suspect due to something called Detachment Disorder. Emotions drive about 80% of human belief systems and logic is used to justify those beliefs. The people who teach us words have emotion and bias. Those realities are passed along from the earliest of experiences. We add our own evaluations and judgments to the list and on it goes to each generation.
These mental and verbal gymnastics spill over into each of our relationships. Words are rich with meaning and the power to communicate. No wonder personal relationships can involve a mountain of negotiation and work. All of the meaning surrounding the words used in each family pour into every communication each day. The more important a relationship is, the more important the meaning of each word. The need to understand another person's words becomes paramount to living in peace and contentment with each other.
Two skills will help with this expression of the human condition. Lead with listening to each other. Quality living and leading begins with 75 percent listening. While speaking, choose words softer than the intensity of felt meaning. Soften the tone of delivery. Sit down and look straight at the other person. Connect with the other person's eyes and their soul. These simple efforts will increase empathy and reduce feelings of rejection or being ignored.
