Healthy Communication in Marriage
Healthy communication in marriage is very difficult for most couples. Every culture has different standards of communication for men and women. Each gender is taught different rules about issues impacting communication. Communication between the sexes is rarely mentioned during childhood. Fathers seldom talk to sons about healthy communication in marriage and most mothers do not offer hope to daughters. Women wonder whether or not men are able to communicate in an open vulnerable manner.
I contend that girls are given permission to communicate in a vulnerable way. Boys are taught to work and provide. Boys are taught to defend the castle against all threats. Men feel successful if they are able to accomplish these goals. Provision and protection are great goals and should be cherished. However, women may want these things from men but do not need men to only provide security.
Women are educated as well as men and are able to achieve great things. We live in a time of well organized communities with adequate police protection. Safety is a common state for most of us. Healthy marriage seems to have a new set of requirements in today's climate.
Healthy communication in marriage requires a few simple skills. Each person must express feelings in a straight forward manner. Both partners must be willing to say exactly what they think about any situation. It is important that couples become aware of the effect of feelings and attitudes upon behavior. These skills are complicated for each gender for different reasons.
Girls are taught that their feelings are not important to men. Men seem to find women’s feelings to be dramatic and demanding. Men often call women "high maintenance" if feelings are expressed too loudly. Boys are taught that expression of feelings is a sign of weakness. A touchy feely man will not have authority and relinquish respect, especially from other men. These social messages are debilitating and result in wives becoming complainers and men becoming stoic and detached. Healthy communication in marriage is lost until both partners become aware of their role in the problem and show willingness to learn new skills.
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